watch her run, can you feel it?

Love Handles

Where's my P90X CD when I need it! At least I can go pick it up tomorrow. Not the original, I don't even know how much of the original P90X is going to be on it but at least if there's some, that will help.

I glare at you, haunting love handles that don't really exist but haunt me anyway.

my heart will sing

i had one of those special days. i was thinking of using the word 'incredible' but...then thought against it, but now i'm rethinking that thought. it's true, it was one of those slightly incredible days.

what i mean by slightly is that everything was just so unexpected and just not in my control. yet things fell into places that i really hadn't imagined and here i am once again, just in awe of my Saviour.

i auditioned for kollaboration toronto today and just those two hours of my day and time (i suppose you can bump it up to three if you count travel time) amazed me. before going, i didn't know what to expect -- were there a lot of people signed up? there were only two audition days so really...how many people could they fit? who were the judges...was it informal, formal...did i look okay? hold up, they take your photo?! so my mind sort of runs all over the place, please learn to bear with me. i did get to meet these two high school girls who just decided to do this for the same reason i was doing it: for fun. i know that sounds like i didn't take it seriously enough, but i really wasn't expecting much out of it. there sat this opportunity for me to express myself, and...i decided to do it.

now, i was very much aware that i could possibly get into the talent showcase in march, and then i could possibly win the grand prize. but i assure you, i didn't do this to win. so when i got there and sat with all the other (pardon the slight race discrimination in this, but unfortunately, it is very true) asians, i was blown away. heavily put. i still didn't know what to expect.

then we had to take our photos (for a reason of which i am still now aware). it was early enough in the morning, with the snow storm and such, that things were still running on a first-come, first serve basis. i even got to jam a little bit with a girl's guitar! a part of me secretly wants to be able to really...just play. with an acoustic guitar, i mean. if i had my way (which i don't), i'd learn all the instruments. who knows....fifty years down the road.

when it did come around to my turn, the girl walking me to the room asked, "are you nervous?" and all i could do was give a small laugh. in my head, i thought of saying, 'kind of!' but my honest answer came out first, "not really! just...going to do what i do." wow. that sounds a little bit conceited...i guess i can explain why i said that in another post -- let's just say that i was fortunately raised up competing in front of people and under the sometimes scrutinizing eyes of a panel of judges.

ah, the joys of being a classical pianist.

the grand piano was delightfully tuned and was very much responsive to my touch, as was the microphone to my voice once they got the levels right). so once i did go through with my audition piece -- i ended up sticking with Sara Bareilles' Gravity -- they asked me to stand and step forward a few steps to fit into the video frame. they were filming everything...for some reason! like i said, or maybe i haven't said it before, i really don't know much about this whole thing, just what i needed to do. a few of them asked me some questions about myself and what music was to me and where i saw it going, then near the end, i was asked to go do some additional filming. for promotion purposes. why not!

it was very similar to what i did with Rad-Art (ah...another thing to write about), only i have to admit i was more comfortable in this setting because i got to speak in English. i really would be disappointed if i lost my French. the woman that i met and who was videotaping the interview ended up talking to me about possible shows and...this is where the real blowing away happened. this whole world of music just opened up and swelled.

it's not to say that i never thought about doing music professionally. YouTube tends to inspire many young people these days about making videos and getting their art out there. i just never got around to doing it. ...yet. i don't even have the equipment! or the voice! (the latter may be rebutted by some people...but i am planning to take vocal lessons) i don't have a band or original songs up my sleeve! needless to say, i was a little bit overwhelmed but more than that, i was in awe. i'm going to have to say this again: i wasn't expecting much out of all of this. yet small things did come out of it.

i think i'll stop here for tonight. it feels really good to be writing again though. even if there isn't anybody reading, here's a little bit of me. posted on the web.

hallelujah, we're redeemed and made free

by the blood of the lamb, we have won! 

hallelujah, we will sing victory 

Jesus conquered the grave, God be praised! 

Je sais que je ne suis pas toujours facile
Et je sais que je te rends la vie parfois difficile
Et je sais que c'est dur, c'est dur d'être toi
Mais je sais qu'avant c'était pas comme ça

discovered this song from a friend's newsfeed on facebook. i really miss French. there are a couple of things that are just...by now, characteristics of who i am. piano being one, French being the other. whatever comes next...i suppose i have yet to really figure out.

school's been good. i'm not working much this term (note: no shifts this week) so i have a lot of time to spare and no friends to see. i'm kidding about the last part! it's just too cold and wet outside. the snow's finally hit, so it's really beautiful when it falls but tedious during a commute to school. i quote my brother, "silvia. it's so nice when the snow first falls. it's so white and...it looks good...and when it's not windy." ha, i love him.

i'm a little taken back by all this free time. i did make a plan of my to-do's today, since i have much more time than before...

• eat lunch 
• do my biology reading
• do my sociology reading
• work out (run on the treadmill for 30 minutes...then who knows)
• practice Betty for my kollaboration audition

hope your day's been beautiful! 

thanks dad.

for reals.

dad can now track not only who i'm calling and what time i'm calling at, but also where i am calling from.




i would say something i deem appropriate, but i will not say it.

Isaiah 32:17

The fruit of righteousness will be peace;
the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. 

first day of school

the adrenaline rush of anxiety and excitement beckons me into their arms.


oh yes, it's the first day of classes again. God, be with me.

go for tea

 bubble tea @ Go for Tea 

some of the usual people are missing, but i can't thank God enough for these wonderful people and letting me be a part of them. 

Betty

you've got a quick snap-lock on your cold, cold heart 

you've got your YSL kicks and a red birthmark

in the shape of Canada

that you try to keep a secret

you've got a quick, clack walk and a cold, hard stare

and if your eyes could talk, they'd say they just don't care

because they wander off

to hide inside their sockets

you've got your scars and you've got your birthmarks

you've got Toronto hiding on your hip, honey

you've got your secrets, you've got your regrets

darling, we all do

you've got a foolproof plan for a lonely life

you won't be no one's daughter and no drunk's wife

if a wife at all

it's a silly institution and so you keep resisting

you're cool coy, 'bout to stroll, very hip

it's you that's hidden by the expectations

we want to see you, won't you show us where to start?

you're talking trash with your red liquor lips

it's you that tickle in the conversation 

sweet betty, won't you show us who you are?

17 months

i just signed up for Kollaboration Toronto 2011, which is totally crazy and just random for me because...when was the last time i even participated in a talent showcase?

and no...my high school doesn't count.

i'm excited and a little nervous at the same time. i wish that i could go and sing Brooke Fraser's Who Are We Fooling but this time, i will be going solo. i have so many plans and hopes and dreams and little goals for myself; i think this one will be a good start for the new year. so instead, i'll be doing Gravity by Sara Bareilles. she's one of my musical...idols, i suppose that would be a good word. not particularly an "influence" nor somebody i would worship though. i admire her. i admire her for her music, for her soul of jazz and blues and ability to express it on the piano and through her smart but quirky lyrics. a friend of mine told me back in december that my voice suited that kind of music, let alone the song in particular. i'm learning how to work with my voice, where it can go and what it cannot do. i need to embrace it more.

i think that applies to everything actually...embracing it all.

this too. writing. blogging. shall i embrace it?

last but not least on my mind, thank you, thank you, thank You so much for seventeen months.

for january the sixth and the seventh

my soul yearns for you in the night;
in the morning my spirit longs for you

i am always with my ring, my newly gifted necklace, hair elastic(s) on my wrist or in my hair and my cellphone.

i am usually with my purse, in which the following are normally found: wallet, metropass, change purse, water bottle, pen(s), napkins, gum, keys, hand sanitizer, mp3, gloves/scarf/sunglasses, camera, and lip balm.

in my heart, i carry you.

While the wild winds blow

I don't know how dedicated I can be at this, but I miss writing and I remember putting in the time needed to make up a blog entry. But I want this to be different. I want to be inspirational, I want to be inspired. I want to be a giver, but also receive what's given to me. Crazy how. . . both sides may or may not work.

Thought of the day: No matter how hard the fight, it is and will always be worth fighting for God.