Happiness Day #5

I did something good today! Or well it was a good deed and as they say it does make you feel good. But one thing I'd like to stress before I go on is that doing good for others just with the intention of feeling better about yourself isn't enough. In fact, it's pretty temporary and fades off in time. But when you do good for people, and remember that these aren't just people who are homeless and broke or who pretend to be BUT they are children of God, that changes everything. God loves these broken down, wearied, dirty, smelly, shameless people; every single one of them. That was what motivated me to do what I'm about to write.

It could have been that I had written two midterms today and felt pretty good about how I did. I don't think it would have been because I had gone to bed at 5 in the morning and woken up 5 hours later (thus also skipping my morning class to study some more). But the point is...something inside me was telling me something. This happened just as I crossed College street to get to the Tim Hortons on the other side.  I was going to congratulate myself  and pre-celebrate with a French Vanilla, which is sitting in front of me at this moment in my subway seat. Right as I crossed over and lifted my head to make sure I was heading in the right direction, I noticed the old, bearded man squatting right beside the stairs leading down to Tim Hortons. He held a large coffee cup to collect change and, though I only noticed later, smoking the last bit of his cigarette.

That something that I had mentioned earlier? That was when it poked me. Mentally, inwardly, spiritually - however you want to call it. I stood in line then, suddenly thinking about what would be the most ideal thing to get this man. Was he hungry? Was he thirsty? Should I just get him a regular coffee or would that. E a bad choice since coffee's a diuretic and would only make him more thirsty? What about a donut? Did they have any Honey ones left? My head was brimming excitedly about my soon-to-be good deed and what comforted me was that it wasn't "me" caring about him but God's love speaking to me. About this homeless guy, smoking a cigarette, squatting outside like it was just the thing he wanted to do.

I ended up doing what seemed most simple and easiest at that time - I ordered a box of 10 timbits. Mixed. My drink in hand and the box in the other, i made my way up the stairs and towards his spot. There was too little time for my mind to get all excited again about how I was going to proceed so the rest of the story went a little something like this:

- Here you go!
- Oh! *coughing and immediatelysnuffinghiscigarettebutt* Dear! *still coughing* Thank you!
- Alright, take care. You have a good night!

I give him a wide smile, turn and walk down the stairs.

I guess you could say that I wished that I had spoken to him longer or maybe at least introduced myself and gotten his name. Then I could carry the conversation and tell him that God had nudged me to get those timbits. Bu I didn't, and in a strange way, I'm happy that I didn't. It was a step that I am so happy that I took. A risk to reach out to one person in need because I followed His leading. When you follow His lead, you can be sure that he won't lead you astray.

What follows after this may be a little unfortunate. As I got around the corner of the stairs, I saw yet another man at the end of the hallway. He was holding a sign, on which he had written words that I don remember (but along the similar idea of needs). I remember waking towards him, still feeling good about my deed, with my hot drink in hand and my spirit just falling because I wasn't able to help him as well. That and also I could have easily offered to give him my French Vanilla but that I didn't.

All in all, there are people out there who have the guts after losing whatever they'd lost to sit at corners and ask for change. I admit I look past them almost all of the time (if not all). We can have hearts to give and the willing spirits but the reality of this world is that there are A LOT of people in need. It's hard to care for each one. One of my prayers tonight would be for those resting in the TTC hallways and corners of downtown, that they would find rest in Jesus one day. I hope the man with the timbits could be encouraged by his tiny box. And even if he isn't, I know that I did my part.

Upside: God's pretty cool. I had two midterms today that I feel pretty good about (that's seriously a first do I'm really glad, as sad as that is) and now ...


Edit: I'm now at home so no longer on the subway


... I need to focus again and start my essay. Wish me luck! 

Happiness Day #4

I will quote John in saying, "I'll need to keep this short and sweet" because I really should study. 


I am happy that I have people to turn to who don't find my whining/complaining-about-midterms and not-wanting-to-study annoying. You don't get much better than that. I'm currently trying to study for my music midterm, and then I will try to start an outline for my essay. Then after my midterm tomorrow will be the studying for my linguistics midterm. 


I'm also happy for mojito (mint) tea that's actually been keeping me awake (or maybe it's all in my head) and for my newly adopted dining room table-turned-study room for me. 

Happiness Day #3

It's 12:05am as I begin writing this blog post and I haven't started studying yet tonight. To be fair, as soon as I got home three hours ago, I was on the phone and texting with a couple of different people regarding something that needed help and also advice. I ended up calling one of those people with whom I was communicating and just shared some of my thoughts with them and also prayed with them.

If there's anything I am thankful for, it's the ability to just invite young people into prayer and hear them pray out loud with me. There's so much encouragement in the voice of a young person, talking to God and being a part of that conversation. I think another factor would be that young people have started to shy away from the idea of praying out loud. When I was a little seventh grader, I would jump at opportunities to read out my favourite stanza of a hymn or of a song or get really flustered over something that I really wanted to say out loud in prayer. Nowadays, it's just a handful of people who really jump.

So I'm thankful for opportunities to be in prayer and conversation with God, with other young people. It helps me feel like I'm actually doing something right -- most of all, not for my benefit but for His.

The other thing that made me happy (I've realized that I start with this mentality about what am I thankful for? when it's really a Happiness Challenge, not necessarily a Thanksgiving Challenge though they kind of go hand-in-hand) was how my day went today, specifically regarding my stats course. I've been feeling really discouraged by this course because it's one of my potential Master's requirements and so, I decided to take it this semester. I didn't take data back in high school but I had read that you didn't really need to in order to do well in this course. But oh, dear God, it's like my biology course all over again. What I mean is that I'm not motivated to do the readings or work (though I do have a small motivation because I really want to do my Masters) and it's really challenging for me to grasp the idea or concepts of statistics. I expressed my frustrations out briefly to one of my best friends and also classmates in this course and it just bugged me how incapable I was of pushing myself to do better. I've always been told "You have potential, Silvia" ...yeah, that's great; just how do get to using it.

Anyway, bitterness aside! I hadn't done all of the readings or homework for this week (we missed a class because of Thanksgiving) and so I was a little nervous for the weekly quiz we do in our tutorials. But God was really merciful and my TA ended up giving us the formula, and the quiz was based on a concept in the chapter that I actually read and understood ... all you really had to do after that was input numbers, calculate some sums and do some division and voila, 0.86 was the answer!

Oh, the simple things that make me happy. On a side note, I brought my school friend to Future's Bakery before our linguistics class at night, where we had breakfast for dinner. I got the Super Omelette again and finished it all this time! Even the toast! I was that hungry.

Now, onto studying. Or maybe I should go to sleep so I have a good night of rest before a full day of studying. Hmm....